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Monday August 14th, 2017 with Markus & Dimitris
Suicide Prevention benefit show Aug 30th at the House of Targ

Slaves and Bulldozers
Soundgarden - Badmotorfinger
Loud Love
Soundgarden - A - Sides
Interactive CKCU
The line between asking for help, making a phone call, and then not doing it anymore, people think your better, usually because the date is set, can be found in interviews and posts. Chester had the balls to reveal a part of it. To be honest, if we said where that line is and what is going on, we are judged, called nuts, crazy, then ridiculed for it. It has nothing to do with family, friends, alone. "An addict alone is in bad company" I have talked to others that are gone now, and I heard and understood what Chester said in a few interviews. I know this is Chris Connley tribute, but with the 2 being so close, I wonder if either told the dark truth. Chester did, Interviewer laughed, said yeah ok...and he responded with "no seriously my head isnt a safe place for me to be" He talks about one thing after the other, after another, just no end. Then thr demon. Gremlins I call them. THEY ARE REAL!! There I said it. How many will stop reading, call a name and disregard this. So be it. Yet for no known reason we are accussed of sonething that we can not phantom doing, by the time we clue in we are accussed, judged, and found guilty, then.punished before we even know anything about it. Then everything happens and I nails our coffin. No way out, nobody listens, because we are guilty., and this doesnt happen once or twice. Its over and over and over again. We become more isolated, because the gremlins want it that way. After a few years of this happening we become tired. We dont believe the demon wants us right away, that comes over time.. but once we know its real, god doesnt love us, we will not tell a soul. We are laughed at, ignored, put down, even shamed by people closes to us. Without me saying it to anyone, will hear..."oh you gonna kill yourself now.. whatever:" No I am not ... and shamed. Without knowing it the nicest most compassionate person without knowing it, can have a part in some of these things. I believe that the demon makes this happen. Heaven forbid you ever meet or speak to them, that might weaken it

8:12 PM, August 17th, 2017
intentions. Expecially anyone that might help or understand or guide.. that is sabotaged right away. Again in a no turning back way. The more isolated we are, the more power it has. The more we try to avoid the people places and things because of the crazy thinking, negitive chatter in our heads, the more we are forced into seeing or being around those people places and things. The phrase this too shall change becomes a lie, the years of daily fighting we have won become harder, the shame we feel from everywhere, and the judgement we face becomes yet another prison. Those who have gone before me, ARE NOT COWARDS!!! THEY ARE SOLDIER'S.. who have fought the battle and won 1000 days. Year after year, becoming more alone and isolated even.around 100 people. Tony, your are a warm caring inspiring amazing person. and what your doing is above board amazing. Another step in bringing this out. I never would have admitted to any of this ever. But because its you, the struggles you admitted too, and a fellow soldier after a lot of thinking and fighting with my gremlin i found what little faith I have and writting this. Even now its saying negitive things to me. I maybe viewed in the negitive ways that I would expect, but it has made me use to it. Just remember, it is more powerful then you. When we (or when I use too years ago) feel better, get the help, open was waiting for me.. doing push ups...waiting for that chance. I have to win every single day, just like the ones that come past the line of no more calls no more talking no more will or reason anymore. I do know on some level ive been lucky to fight a day when it was what i believed my last. Dr say I am stronger then expected and a miracle to be alive. Gremlin didnt like hit me 10 times harder. May 7th 2017 4:15 pm was the day I set for myself. Somehow a friend from childhood contacted me the day before. He is my best friend i had not talked to for 2 years. He just knew.. and I promised I would talk to him.on the 8th. I never break a pro

8:18 PM, August 17th, 2017